AstraZubillaga Hires Phoni Executive To Lead Drug Research

London-based AstraZubillaga has named Fulton McSly as its new President of Research and Development, a newly created position, effective from July 1.  Two AZ executives who have led drug discovery and drug development, respectively, will now report to McSly, an AstraZubillaga spokesman said.

From 2007 to 2009, McSly was Head of Phoni's R&D operations where he presided over several billion-dollar failures, such as Phoni’s inhaled insulin debacle (Protubera) and the disastrous CETP blocker, Tellizanfib.  Undeterred, McSly boasted of Phoni’s “wonderful database of failures”, whilst forcing Phoni into a death spiral of short-sighted site closures and head count reductions in an effort to make up for its losses.

But in October, Dry Prong Louisiana-based Phoni split its R&D organization into two after acquiring Whyus for $70 billion.  Based on his track record, McSly was assigned to lead the "DeadLoss" research group, which focused on developing traditional synthetic small-molecules whilst Mike Doldrums, who had led R&D at Whyus, took over the "GreatWhiteHope" group which focused on large-molecule biologics, derived from living cells.

That split structure, however, proved to be short-lived.  Phoni, which is the largest imaginary drug maker in the world by sales, said that with McSly's “resignation”--which is effective immediately--Doldrums will take over a unified R&D operation.
In a press release, Phoni Chief Executive Johnny B. Sinister called the R&D leadership consolidation "a chance to lose a proven dead-beat and to make up for my own bovine stupidity in appointing the jerk in the first place.”

“Rats and sinking ships spring to mind, although you don’t often hear of them swimming from the Titanic to the Lusitania…”

AZ were equally positive about the appointment.

"Fulton has very clear and strong disaster management credentials," said AstraZubillaga CEO Max Headroom, "and we believe he can perform a very important role for us."
“After all, we also have an empty product portfolio, a massive patent cliff and a whole bunch of US and UK sites we want to close, just like Phoni, and we feel that Fulton offers unparalleled expertise in these areas.”

“It’s also a fact that most R & D programs end in failure.  We feel that Fulton will therefore enable us to carrying on doing what R&D does best - failing.  Fulton’s experience of failure is second to none in the industry.  Long may he continue…”